The Hard-Ons - Most People Are Nicer Than Us

In the tradition of Reload, Use Your Illusion II and Amnesiac comes… shit, wait. This isn’t in the tradition of any of those things. Screw it, let’s start again.

Remember a couple of years back, The Hard-Ons released Most People Are A Waste Of Time? And how that record was packed to the gills with glorious power-pop and wasn’t really heavy at all? And how the band said at the time that their next record would be all thrash, hardcore and metal? Well, they weren’t lying.

If the hook-laden Most People Are A Waste Of Time knocked your notion of what The Hard-Ons sound like for six, then you’d better make sure you’re sitting down when you listen toits evil twin Most People Are Nicer Than Us. Seriously.

‘Carrot Top’, a two-minute blast of pile-driving thrash-punk, is as belligerent as we’ve ever heard The Hard-Ons. We knew to expect something heavy, sure, but this is pretty intense. Okay. Next. ‘Don’t Fear The Reaperbahn’ (featuring screeched lead vocals from bassist Ray Ahn) and ‘Being Broke Is Fucked’ maintain the record’s full-tilt pace before the slower, sludgier ‘My Style Of Attack’ offers just about the closest thing to a breather as can be found here.

Just because ‘That’s A Punky No-No’ feels a bit more like the Hard-Ons we know and love, it shouldn’t be assumed that the band have used up all their vitriol in the album’s first quarter. Because they up the ante to ridiculous levels with the violent, blastbeat-laden ‘You, Sir, Can Get Fucked’. ‘Does That Come In Size Aquaman?’ is another (partial) reversion to classic Hard-Ons that precedes the record’s most extreme moment, the Darkthrone-esque black metal miasma of ‘Spent The Day In Hell. Was Bored’. It’s almost a bit scary to imagine Punchbowl’s most foulmouthed exports getting so in touch with their inner grim. But they do, and the results are mind-blowing.

Combined, ‘I Got A Cause!!’ and ‘Bottom Feeders’ bring almost five minutes of respite in the form of some more upbeat, propulsive punk before things get weird again with ‘Making Money From Goths Is Easy’, a slow-burner that almost hints at Voivod or Celtic Frost with its cold, mechanical riff. The venomous ‘Dance Parties = Dickheadfest’ revels in messy, downstroke-fuelled thrash, and then it’s ‘Two Laps In Serbia’, which features Blackie spitting and frothing all over it with one of the most aggressive vocal takes he’s yet delivered (even taking into account his work in Nunchukka Superfly, he and Ahn’s long-running left-field project). ‘Pretty Soon I Will Burst Into Flames’ doesn’t even come up for air as it races towards ‘Rat Face And Buffalo Ass’, which brings us back to a more familiar-sounding Hard-Ons, although still a great deal more full-on than usual.

And then it’s done. And you’re left wondering, What happened to my Hard-Ons?

“I think not too many bands would go from a pop album to an album like this,” says bassist (and occasional vocalist) Ray Ahn. “But we expect Hard-Ons fans to love it. It’s the album a lot of them have been waiting for.”

Really, there’s no reason they shouldn’t. Once the initial shock of Most People Are Nicer Than Us begins to subside, you realise that it does in fact sound like The Hard-Ons. Just a somewhat more (okay, a significantly more) aggressive version thereof. The tunes are there, the vocal harmonies are there, they’re just surrounded by some of the most bludgeoning riffs to ever come out of Camp Hard-Ons, metal vocals and the occasional relapse from drummer Pete Kostic back to the time he drummed for Naxzul.

After twentysomething years, The Hard-ons are still making records that confront and confound, without indulging in embarrassing jazz-inspired odysseys or ill-advised experiments. Considering how many bands burn out in less than half that time, Most People Are Nicer Than Us is no mean feat. Where they go from here is anybody’s guess.

Catch The Hard-Ons at The Hunter Valley Brewery, Friday 3rd October - entry is free

Reviewed by Adam D Mills